Puh-lease!

Actually this post has got nothing to do with that up there.I just felt like saying it though.I came in with a sore throat today. Nasty.Could not sleep at night I kept waking up to go spit phlegm in the bathroom.Dis-fucking-gusting.

Work is ok,I guess.I'm getting bored fast.Thing is,as much as it is something I love doing it has me immobile for the most part of the day and I have a lot of things I could be and would rather be doing than sitting here from 9-5.Sounds like I'm letting go,huh?Well not just yet.Even with this short stint I do have goals.I will be airborne again,soon.

I am feeling my muse rising again and that strange tickling to write is coming back.However,I want some peace and quiet.I badly need that.I think it is time to take that weekend away for myself.Sadly,I do not have my lisence yet it would have been nice to drive out of town or something.A great opportunity to also shop around for my furniture.One problem I also have with this work thing is that it is sort of making me put my plans and my dream on hold,something I am not ready to do.So I got a decision to make here.Let us see what the Great I Am brings us.

In other news,things are pretty much the same.My little precious no. 5 is growing...smiles half the time.I miss being close to the family all day and I especially miss the house.I am happy,otherwise,and I am beginning to feel peace and calm come over me.It has been a difficult several weeks but I have turned pages,I have learnt lessons.I am proud of myself,my truth and I will keep repeating this.I have no regrets and I continue to love regardless.One morning as I walked to driving school I pleaded with God in my heart to just let me rest;to give me peace.What was supposed to fade away and to leave me alone was constantly consuming every part of me as days went on.I wanted change.I wanted the hurt,the resentment,the anger,the guilt,the sadness to go away.Then I remembered to ask for peace and to ask for more love and more forgiveness and to let go.Let go and let God have His way.I was reminded that if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders; if He was spit on,tortured,mocked and crucified for no reason then who am I to complain about a little injustice?

And so I slowly retracted my finger that was pointing,assigning blame and accusing.I have no right.It does not matter what has happened to me;what was done to me,I just have no right.I kept on praying,asking God to forgive me for condemning and for judging.And I eventually asked for God to help me forgive myself.Since yesterday I feel better.I feel so much better.

And so I move on from the rut I was stuck in.I have been rescued.One thing that I know most of the world does not understand and for some they only recently have (I thank God for personal revelations is that God lives in us.We have the fullness of God in us so isolating ourselves from God is just ignorance.Some people curse God for their misfortune.Little do they know they are cursing themselves.When the Great Book talks about God on His throne people picture a throne made by the hands of man with a masculine,white haired and bearded man in pristine white robes sitting on it.Tsk,tsk,tsk...do you not know that that throne is you?He made Himself a throne;He created it and that is your heart.

Ok.I don't even know where that came from.Maybe someone will read this and get enlightened,maybe not.Maybe I will come back and read this and feel enlightened.But all I know is that I am a jewel,I am a gem.And I glow and will eternally keep glowing.I draw to me all the good things,all the virtues that are my heart's desire.I see myself with the good that I desire.I have dreams and my hopes live.They are alive today in my conscious not just in the subconscious.I love life,I love myself,I love the world,I love creation.I am creation.I am a creator.Welcome to my world and be amazed.

It feels good to be back.I don't want to stop writing but I have to.I have been waiting for my inspiration for a while now for the book.It is here with me now.And I cannot wait to let my fingers fly over the keyboard nights on end as I pour from my womb the fruits of my creations.