The War is Won

It is late. Way past midnight. Though my body is tired, I still am very much awake. I am in tears as I write this but these are not tears of pain or sorrow. They are tears of a moment of awakening; tears of gratitude and tears of strength; tears that symbolize a great triumph and a breakthrough. I realized as I watched Gladiator, the movie that at the end of the day our lives; our very existence is just one big battle. And as all ancient battles went there is always a showdown.

There are two equally great forces that govern the world and everything in it and around it. They are forces of the opposites. It is these two forces that clash and determine our greatness or our total and utter failure. In the battle of good and evil we are always told that good wins but what we are not told is that there is a third invisible force that determines this win. Always. This force is independent. It is the axis of the universe. It is the very essence of our existence. It is the soul. Neutral and eternal, it determines which side wins.

As I close my eyes to envision that great land, that enigma that can be so elusive sometimes; as I seek her out, my great oracle to give answers to questions in my head, I find myself time traveling and ending up in the ancient battle arenas weapons on the ready. I lift my face up into the skies and let the sun warm my already cold body. We walk around with death wherever we go. All it takes is just a fraction of a second and a whisper of a breath from the great creator for the spirit to cease. I smile as I face my death. Or my life. The choice; my fate; my destiny lies with my soul; to choose to live or to die. From time to time she stood on the sidelines and let me die. I died over and over again. She just stood by and watched. Every time it was the same thing: I fought and I died. My good kept losing every battle. Evil reigned. I became miserable; I became the epitome of sad. All that was negative became me and I wore my crown of worms and maggots well. Until that day when she moved from her usual spot. Ever so slightly I caught a movement from the corner of my blood blurred eye. I noticed that from where she always stood like a statue, she moved. I did not know how tall she was. I somehow never noticed how strong she was or how angry she actually was. For a second I smiled because I thought “at last! I don’t have to die anymore!” That was when I noticed that her eyes were burning into me. I was battered and evil was once again winning.

She took a step, the mighty warrior, and moved towards me. Despite her strength she had beauty and grace that could not be compared to anything. She walked with authority; not rushed. As the sword of evil raised to take its last strike at me I suddenly saw its ugly head roll in the dust. With just one swift movement she had slain evil. And the trumpet sounded then as day broke to announce my freedom. I saw her rise from the ground and at the top of her lungs scream out my name. It was a deafening sound that curdled what was left of my blood. All the pain; all the anguish I subjected her for 27 whole years came out in that one, guttural growl. I gaped, throat dry and stood in awe of the might I did not know to exist. She stopped her soaring and hovered above me.

“Have you not persecuted me enough, Precious? What did I ever do to you to deserve this inhuman torture?”

I swallowed hard. I could not muster a response; I mean what could I have said? However, I did not fear her. Towering way above me she could as well be a giant but I was not afraid. Her eyes were spitting fire and her tongue sharp as words that she uttered were laced with pain woven through the years by my mistakes, deception, my lies, my betrayals. And yet… I was not afraid. I looked up at her and as much as she burnt me with her gaze I could not stop staring into those beautiful eyes. The flecks of amber and gold that lent the blazing quality to her gaze were mesmerizing. I began to feel the pull; the pull towards home. I started to understand that fire in her eyes did not depict cruelty. As much as she carried all my pain she only carried it to show me how much I have been hurting her temple; her dwelling place. I began to listen, to hear the words, the language of those eyes. That fire begun to inscribe in my heart the love that I was to discover. I begun to understand that she was here to save me and I didn’t need telling for me to allow her to completely consume me. I was awed at her magnificence. Her countenance spelt kindness, perseverance, wisdom, love eternal, hope, faith immovable, courage, generosity and something that I could not understand then. It was a certain peace, a certain calm that I just could not understand until I learnt that it was bliss. I was drawn. I wanted to get there; to that place. She was a promise of goodness in its fullness. And I was privileged to be taken into a journey to discover her… my land. Precious.